The guys in Intel really dropped the ball on this one

At my job, I sometimes have breaks. Much like you fine law-abiding Americans, I'm sure. There are a multitude of restaurants in the same strip mall as Borders and you usually pick one to go get lunch at.

I had just been told, after two and a half years of working at the store that the Noodles & Company down the way will totally give you a free soda if you mention that you work in the same mall as them. A. Whole. Free. Soda.

WHY HAD I NOT BEEN INFORMED OF THIS UNTIL NOW?

So, as my break started, I declared that I was indeed going down to prove this for myself. Co-workers gave me the look that Bruce Willis gets when he tells people that they're actually going to land the astronauts on the asteroid itself.

It would be risky for sure. What if this policy was no longer in effect? What if I tell them about it and they think I'm an idiot or some free-loader who just wants free soda? We simply could not have this. So it was with understandable apprehension that I strolled into the restaurant. It was busy, what with the dinner rush. Too many witnesses. Any one of these rubes would be there to witness my failure, or worse, call the authorities.

I idly fingered the Borders badge sitting in my coat pocket the same way that a novice criminal caresses his automatic on the way to his first armed robbery. And my badge was a lot like a gun. I could pull the trigger and BOOM free soda. The pistol was loaded with taste bullets, fully chambered with the hammer cocked ALL THE WAY BACK.

The counter. The clerk is slightly fatigued, but in good spirits. A good sign, but we mustn't allow ourselves to get overconfident. Too many X-factors at work here. The guy next to her is clearly a supervisor - I could see the "no" fully queued up behind his veneer of affability, his triumphant sneer waiting in the wings. And what of the people in line behind me? I can't hold up the line with my need for free beverages or things could get violent.

I laid out the deal and displayed the Borders badge - my symbol of authority and my only bargaining chip. Her poker face doesn't falter as she pulls out a cup and slides it across the counter asking if I would like anything else.

I felt like a cop holding up his badge to make his way into the crime scene. I smile inwardly and make my order.


This is what passes for excitement in my life.