Sometimes I write things

Memo to parents who have a child who is considering striking out onto the world: If you want to seriously dissuade them, tell them they have to do dishes. And probably without a dishwasher. They have to wash the dishes with nothing but their hands, some soap, a sponge, and their wits. For reals. And it almost takes longer than the time you have allocated for it. There will be sweat, tears, and yes, blood. It may be enough to make the kid recant.

Christmas is here. You, in the comfort of your own home, may not have realized it. But you, my brothers and sisters in retail, know that the time is upon us. The attack will come, and it may be subtle. Like vaguely Christmas-y music making it into the rotation. But it may be obvious, like an extra 49 boxes of Christmas product. Or a new table on the sales floor dedicated to products with the subject code "HOLIDAY". It is coming and, you who are about to go forth, enjoy these last moments of relative serenity and sanity among your customers, for these innocent consumers are about to transform.

On a happier note, TEKKEN 6 IS OUT! It's about goddamned time, seeing as 5 came out in 2005, with naught but Dark Resurrection to tide us over. I'm taking a serious approach to this game, learning juggles and combos and such while honing my skills with Asuka and Dragunov. Seeing as they're pretty close to their previous incarnations, I'll look at picking up some other characters like the spider chick or the Jackie Chan imposter. And seriously, screw Azazel. He almost makes me miss Jinpachi, the guy who could cause earthquakes and shoot fireballs from his gut.

FOX gives us House than takes it away for some other thing - I don't even know - and now I'm without Hugh Laurie for two weeks. And just when things were starting to get really interesting.

Heroes is not so much stupid this season as it is boring. Not much has happened lately, though maybe I'm just used to more epic, fast-paced storytelling. In any case, I'm betting ten bucks that with Hiro going to back to try saving Charlie again, he's somehow going to reset the entire show. I honestly don't know if that would help matters or make them worse.

Castle was awesome, even if the Firefly gag only lasted the first few minutes.

The television studies professor inflicted Flavor of Love on us today, and it may be several hours before I can trust television again. I already fear that I have forgotten how to love.

Borders Books is a comedy bistro

So, Halloween party at Borders. For kids. We host a lot of parties and nobody ever comes, but this was different. Kids in costume all over the store going to employees who are supposed to give out candy and gifts. The trouble is, kids these days are scared to say "Trick or Treat". And they're not proud of their costumes, either.

Rather than becoming Superman or a ninja or a race car driver, the costumes are merely a means to an end. You try to compliment a kid on their neat samurai costume or whatever and they're all "yeah whatever give me candy". When I was a kid, "trick or treat" was like a code word, something you said with pride and a certain knowledge that this was not something the grown-ups could do. Now it's just something the parents tell them to say so they can get candy.

I blame the schools. And, of course, Obama.

I watch the music layer of the store all by myself, so I have to watch the register for people wanting to buy stuff. Customers occasionally track me down, but mostly they just stare at the register waiting for me to spontaneously appear. It irks me.

I came home to find that my roommates had just up and purchased a Playstation 3 while I was out. One woke up this morning, told the other that they should go buy it and so they did. I wish I had their brazen disregard for financial planning.

Also, friends are over, which was a surprise.

But most importantly, I have Bailey's in the house, which is clearly the only acceptable way to end a ten-hour shift working retail.

Der Ranten und Raven

Things I didn't like today:

1. People driving ten miles under the speed limit on both Lake Drive and Port Washington Road. I'm apparently a way more aggressive driver than one might expect, but I'm also afraid to pass because the moment I do, an oncoming car will come out of nowhere and kill me. Pick up the pace, people. Everyone knows that the speed limit signs are merely suggestions.

2. I don't know what my Intercultural Communications instructor was doing since last we met, but it was clearly not grading exams or papers even though she said that she would totally have them done.

3. I have no idea what I'm going to write about for my paper on Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse and it's due on Thursday. I'm not sure there's anything in that novel I found interesting enough to talk about for four to seven pages.

Things I did like:

1. I saw a driver do an illegal U-turn at the Port Washington - Brown Deer intersection. Illegal U-turns really drive me nuts for some reason and I was already hurling invective from my car when I see a police car pull out from the adjacent parking lot, flip on the sirens and pull him over into the next parking lot. Justice is swift and all drivers but me are stupid.

2. The evangelists were back in the UWM plaza doing their thing again. Depending on my mood, this could make it onto either side of this post, but I was able to watch them argue with passerby while I had lunch inside. Why on Earth are they so concerned about lust as opposed to any other of the sins anyway?

3. I just realized that talking about the 1954 film Johnny Guitar and relating it to theories of genre put forward by the critics Robin Wood and Rick Altman will be a piece of cake and I can bang out a page on it for tomorrow easy.

And perhaps most importantly,

4. I realized that the one British dad on Flashforward? Mr. Simcoe or whatever? He's totally Comodore Norrington from Pirates of the Caribbean! But without a sword! Or naval skills! Or character development! And he's apparently evil and is working with Merry from Lord of the Rings!

!

High Grade 00: GNW-20000 Arche Gundam

At the end of Season One of Gundam 00, the mercenary Ali al-Saachez hijacks the Gundam Throne Zwei. Promptly afterward, he is hired by Ribbons Almark, who has initiated his plans to control the fate of humanity. Ali accepts, and Ribbons phones up his buddies at the newly created Earthsphere Federation peacekeeping force "A-LAWS" and they begin reverse-engineering the Gundam technology. The result is Ali's new machine in Season 2, the Arche Gundam.



The kit turns out to be a little larger than the others in the line, but assembly is still pretty simple. Despite the Arche Gundam's lanky proportions, poseability is strong. The kit is molded in all the correct colors, and transparent pieces are provided for the GN Particle Condensers. All that needed painting were the tan parts of the GN Buster Sword and the white tips on all of the wings and fins.

Features include the transformable escape pod on its back and the transformable GN Buster Sword which can switch to rifle mode. In addition, the pods for the GN Fangs can open and the Particle Condensers on the legs can open up revealing way more details than I feel like painting.

If you have a base, the model can do some decent kicking poses with the foot beam sabers, but I have a feeling those will stay in the box. The sword is, of course, pretty heavy, and you have to be very careful about how you pose it, because otherwise it'll just flop over from the weight.

Overall, an excellent representation of one of the more unconventional designs from the series.



Mine is in the crappy cell phone picture. The one right above is some Japanese guy's.

Out of my way, I got OPINIONS!

Occasionally I will review things.



The Brothers Bloom is possibly one of my favorite films of the year. Wikipedia describes it as postmodern, which I guess is a little bit accurate. It's a comic, fantastical heist thriller that seems almost play-like in its mise-en-scene. It stars Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo as gentlemen con-artists, with the former playing whichever parts the latter writes up for him. Rinko Kikuchi rounds out the team as the hot Asian chick mute demolitions expert. Rachel Weisz has a comic role as a secluded heiress who happens to be their next mark. Hijinks and romance ensue.

The film is delightful, switching from comic to tragic in turns, with the script and actors never missing a beat. It's just the sort of whimsical story I can really get behind, and I'm sure I'll try and make everyone I know see it.



I also finished Alan Weisman's The World Without Us, which was fascinating. I don't usually read much non-fiction, but it may be that I have a predilection for thought-exercises involving the end of mankind. It's at once easy to read and understand while being perfectly scholarly. There are chapters on what will survive, what won't, and even one on how we will go (who knew there were people pushing for voluntary extinction?) However, I think I'm tickled most by the fact that Mount Rushmore will be around long into the future, so that whichever civilization replaces ours may still have the mug of Teddy Roosevelt looking sternly down upon them.

"I don't know what this even is!" "Drink it, you'll be fine!"

So there may have been drinking last night. But only because our dear friend turned 21 and I found it unacceptable that I be sober when I went out of my way to not have to drive to the venue. I will neither confirm nor deny the possibility that Karoake was involved. There was, however, an expedition to meet this guy. Also I can tell you that the threat of public urination was a very real threat for a little bit. I may have been overenthusiastic as I did not really get the traditional 21st birthday blowout due to circumstances beyond my or anyone's control and I'm really susceptible to peer pressure.

At work, I found that some customer, in their own little "Fuck you" to the Democrats, turned around the faced-out copies of The Audacity of Hope and then further obscured them by putting this book in front of them. I know creative book shelving is how I deal with all MY problems. And, increasingly, alcohol.

My roommates are having fun and talking, but here I am on the computer by myself. I've only been at work for ten goddamn hours and important news may have happened on THE INTERNET! Like the fact that the Unicorn Gundam apparently only comes with its bazooka, so you have to buy the Unicorn Gundam Destroy Mode too, if you want the Beam Magnum - I ask you, IS THAT JUSTICE?

In other news, I interrupted my reading of Pulitzer Prize-winning author Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake so that I could read this. I'm the worst English major ever.

That's Futuristic Imagination Industries, offering you more links-per-paragraph than the leading brand.

Dear Publishing Industry

Hey, it's me again. Alex, the guy who helps keep your books on the shelves? I need a favor, home-slices. Now I know my last letter didn't go over terribly well with you ("Knock it off with the Twilight bullshit"), but this one's actually important. It's a list of things that you do not need to release anymore.

1. Stupid reference books filled with useless facts. One or two publishers may have gotten lucky with the stupid trivia books, but there are only so many useless "lol random, teehee" facts out there. I don't want to pay fifteen bucks to find out if and how fish fart. And they shouldn't be hardcovers.

2. Reference books filled with exciting things for kids to do. Often there are separate books for boys and for girls. Sure, there was one that hit it BIG, but that was two Christmases ago. I can assure you as a bookstore inventory worker, they are nowhere near that popular regularly.

3. Books that involve Fitzwilliam Darcy but are not written by Jane Austen. Sure, Austen books may have been the original fanfiction fodder, but how hard can it be to come up with your own dark, aloof, handsome, romantic anti-hero with a heart of gold? Hell, Stephanie Meyer did it and she's a moron.

4. Books that are not A Dance with Dragons, the eagerly-awaited fifth novel in the award-winning fantasy series, "A Song of Ice and Fire", written by George R.R. Martin and published by Bantam Books.

5. "Books" written by Glenn Beck.

No need to thank me, guys. It means a lot to me.

Yours,
Alex

News you can use

I had the honor of attending an academic discussion with renowned author and zombie expert Max Brooks tonight. He appeared completely in character and schooled the assembled crowd on the ways of zombie survival in an honest and frank way, but with a certain degree of self-awareness about it. Things I learned, presented in bullet-point form for your convenience:

*A sledgehammer or blade is preferable to a firearm for the simple fact that you do not need to reload one.

*Were zombies to invade a college campus, like say UWM, jocks not only make excellent workhorses but also serve as cannon fodder.

*The phrase "Hey babe, wanna be in my zombie group?", in addition to being a poor preparedness-builder, is not particularly effective as a pick-up line either.

*The line between zombie and stoned-out hippie is much thinner than you might expect, though you should put a cap in either of them just to be sure.

All in all, perfectly worth missing House for.

I returned to the Ancestral Motherland over the weekend and slipped back into the role of Dungeonmaster to preside over a game of Dungeons and Dragons for my younger blood relations and some other guy. Among my devious machinations were the Corruption Corpse and the Gelatinous Cube, a D&D standby. The players escaped with little but their lives and a tale to spin at the local inn.

Roommate the Second is having a very lively discussion with a Bot right now. And goodness-do-I-really-have-a-class-in-eight-hours?

In which our hero is accused of being a racist.

At Borders, if you are a member of our club, you get coupons. Lots of them. They offer a discount on any one item. I had to clarify this to a customer who proceeded to act like I was trying to pull one over on her. I respond with slight curtness. She yanks her bag from my hands and walks off in a huff.

This is where I stick my tongue out at her departing back. Supervisor sees this, but shrugs it off. Twenty minutes later, he tells me about a call he received. Customer had called back and claimed she was treated very rudely (and here's the best part) because of the fact that she was African-American. This same supervisor was there while I rang her up, which she must have realized, because she asked for a different supervisor and hung up after being told there was no one else on duty. Supervisor tells me he knows it's BS and then says "I don't think she saw you stick your tongue out, though."

So that was fun.

OMG, Flashforward last night? Totally Godwined itself. And it took them only three episodes to introduce a Nazi! This is right after episode two, with Mysterious-Evil-Guy-Holed-Up-In-An-Abandoned-Doll-Factory-Because-That's-Creepy-Right? trying to kill our heroes.

And speaking of Heroes, shit went down. Sylar's back which is good, Hiro discovers the futility of his power (also good), Tracy is lame (par for the course), and Claire ambles around with no discernible plot function again.

Tekken 6 is out in about two weeks, and it'll fulfill my annual quota of three (3) video games a year to be super excited about, along with February's excellent Killzone 2 and the upcoming probably-excellent Assassin's Creed II. I've been playing the Tekken series since I could express my age on my fingers and I'm eagerly anticipating this installment. It's likely to be the best Tekken game since Tekken 5. If only because you can play as a fat guy and a cyborg teenage girl with chainsaws for hands

'Cuz you can't get anywhere without practice.

I have an exam tomorrow. This one is for English 291 - Introduction to Television Studies. I'm studying for it now, and by "studying", I of course mean Internetting while having the UWM D2L site and a study guide open in the other tabs. I don't think I'm going to bother.

Eins, I watch loads of TV. Have been for years now. I like to think I know what's going on.

Zwei, I took loads of film classes and not much changes between film and TV. And this is all from memory now, same basic lighting scheme (key, fill, and back lights), same seven types of shots (extreme long, long, medium long, medium, medium close-up, close-up, extreme close-up), and TV directors still follow the 180 degree rule as well as the 30 degree rule. (Though Castle did break it the other night.)

Drei, the study guide was just a plain ol' list of terms (95% of which I knew) and the whole thing was written without a single capital letter. It's like she didn't even try.

In other news, I really liked this.

The moral of the story is that, um, love... conquers... all... ?

So I was at work right? And I have a cold, so my head's all stuffed up and that makes me interact with customers weird (like referring to a lady and her young daughter as "dudes", or being kind of an asshole* to that customer in the Children's section)? And I had to rearrange graphic novels again because corporate keeps changing their minds?

And then I saw these things.

Oh yes. Those are taglines alright. "Edward and Bella's favorite book!" "The original forbidden love!"

As much as I love the Bard, I'm almost certain the concept of forbidden love had been around for quite a while before, gosh, 1590-ish. And if there's one thing the kids are really into, it's Bronte. And that's just the beginning of my problems with this entire... thing.

brb, mourning the next generation's appreciation of literature





*Not entirely reliant on me having a cold, admittedly.

He didn't really get much accomplished there, other than growing some fierce muttonchops.

This post contains House spoilers. But not until the final paragraph.

Rgh, do you really think you can get away with pre-empting Castle tonight, ABC? I don't care who the Packers are playing, I needs me some Captain Reynolds being smarmy and solving crimes. Argh. Another TV show sacrificed at the altar in the name of the horrific and writhing deity that is Monday Night Foot Ball.

I put together the Arche Gundam. Mine doesn't look quite as pink as that, though. A fairly quick build, took about three hours over the course of two days between the snap-fit and the detailing. There may be a post devoted to it later.

Hey! I got accepted into an online Play-by-Post game of Dungeons and Dragons 4th Edition! That is to say, my character Dagarth Crossroad did. The game will be the Scales of War adventure, something I'm not really familiar with, so it should be rad.

Also! Look what Roommate the Second bought! I'll let you know how they taste.

So listen, dude who sat near me in Meteorology today. Don't read over both versions of the test that you were given, because one of them is supposed to be passed to me. The professor did not decide to give you the opportunity to compare the two and decide which test you would rather take, he decided you would be competent enough to merely TAKE ONE AND PASS THE OTHER TO YOUR NEIGHBOR, who is waiting very patiently, even though he studied and could probably deal with either version perfectly well. I'll be way interested to know how you did, though.

What else? House tonight. Epic.

If, back when the show started, you had told me that Chase would ultimately be responsible for the fate of a nation, and that the episode that this occurs in would involve James Earl Jones guest-starring? I'd have said there's no way that this show could get that cool. However, if you had told me that Thirteen would be angry at Foreman and their relationship would be boring and lame, I would've believed that completely 100%.

In which our hero makes a bad financial decision.

And here's what it looks like.



(Not pictured: a bottle of Pepsi Wild Cherry and a bottle of orange Juice.)

Two model kits for about $50. I didn't really need to eat this week, after all.

And it has transparent effect parts!!! Pretty!!! And the Cherudim's GN Rifle barrel snapped off the tree in transit!!! No biggie!!!

I hadn't counted on Lost World of Wonders in Milwaukee actually restocking anything (because they never do), but welp, here they are. On the plus side, I drove through downtown Milwaukee with more or less complete confidence and didn't get lost once.

So OMG, Brothers Bloom is finally out on DVD this week! I have not been so completely sure of a film's quality in quite some time. I'll let you know how it is. (It'll be awesome.)

Meteorology test tomorrow, but not terribly worried about it. Taking it for the accursed Natural Science requirements. I wonder if they make all the Engineering Majors take classes about poetry and the ramifications of "being". Fortunately, I can satisfy that requirement by taking stuff that 7-Year Old Alex was way interested in, like dinosaurs, space and weather. Also, you can't really take practical Lab courses for any of those things so the Lab sections are way easy and way short.

I'm eating a Nestle Drumstick for supper right now. But there's a pizza in the oven, too, so I guess that's... dessert?

That's okay because that's all right.

(This evening at work.)

Borders Second-in-Command: Hey Alex, are you able to work at all tomorrow? We'd need someone 2-7 or 2-8.

Alex's Id: Nah, I'd rather sit around the house.

Alex's Ego: The responsible thing to do would be to come into work, you know.

Id: What? You have Friday off. Greater men than you have tried and failed to get Fridays off!

Ego: That's well and good, but I do have plenty of work to do here.

Id: You were going to have a lazy day! The Internet's not going to surf itself, after all!

Ego: And how do you propose we pay for that Internet, and indeed, that house we use it in?

Id: Fine, there's errands and schoolwork you could do...

Ego: Now that's pathetic. You and I both know we're not going to be doing any of that. We're going into work tomorrow.

Id: Well fine. She said you could work the 2-7 shift, that's five hours! You'd be back home before you know it!

Ego: I'll take 2-8. That way I get a break and I get a little more pay. End of discussion.

Id: *pouts*

Alex: Yeah, I can do 2-8 tomorrow.

Borders Second-in-Command: Oooooookay. Thanks a lot.

--------------

I'm so glad that Hulu puts up The Daily Show and The Colbert Report immediately the next day. This way, I can sit at home and watch them at 10 and 10:30 in the evening, just like at my parents' house! Except on a laptop! And in a less-than-comfy chair!

And they say Jon Stewart has a democratic bias. He just spent half the show cracking jokes about how the Democrats haven't gotten shit accomplished this year.

In other news, my life has recently become clear again. Existence has meaning once more. They are opening a Five Guys burger restaurant within WALKING DISTANCE from my house. I now consider my choice to move out fully and completely justified.