Dear Publishing Industry

Hey, it's me again. Alex, the guy who helps keep your books on the shelves? I need a favor, home-slices. Now I know my last letter didn't go over terribly well with you ("Knock it off with the Twilight bullshit"), but this one's actually important. It's a list of things that you do not need to release anymore.

1. Stupid reference books filled with useless facts. One or two publishers may have gotten lucky with the stupid trivia books, but there are only so many useless "lol random, teehee" facts out there. I don't want to pay fifteen bucks to find out if and how fish fart. And they shouldn't be hardcovers.

2. Reference books filled with exciting things for kids to do. Often there are separate books for boys and for girls. Sure, there was one that hit it BIG, but that was two Christmases ago. I can assure you as a bookstore inventory worker, they are nowhere near that popular regularly.

3. Books that involve Fitzwilliam Darcy but are not written by Jane Austen. Sure, Austen books may have been the original fanfiction fodder, but how hard can it be to come up with your own dark, aloof, handsome, romantic anti-hero with a heart of gold? Hell, Stephanie Meyer did it and she's a moron.

4. Books that are not A Dance with Dragons, the eagerly-awaited fifth novel in the award-winning fantasy series, "A Song of Ice and Fire", written by George R.R. Martin and published by Bantam Books.

5. "Books" written by Glenn Beck.

No need to thank me, guys. It means a lot to me.

Yours,
Alex