If you say you never wanted to go to school at Hogwarts, you're a liar.

I think it would be really cool to live in jolly ol' Britain. A proud nation, they invented the cat and have had running water for nearly ten years now. You can get "crisps" and smoke "fags" and hang out with Ian McKellan and have tea time. They'll let you say "fuck" on TV and won't even think it's weird that you like football (you Yanks know it as soccer).

My British Lit professor, who is from some region of Europe, threw us all a very British Christmas celebration for our last class. (I can't place her nationality, but I know she says "right" the same way that Simon Pegg does, kinda like "roight") We had Christmas Cake, Christmas crackers, Stilton cheese, and even Eddie Izzard on DVD. She hung up a Union Jack and everything. It was actually way fun as far as English courses go.


I got hired at Borders about 2 1/3 years ago now and since then, I have been the only person added to the Inventory Processing Team - nobody has been hired since me. Clearly this is because they knew I couldn't ever be topped, but they had to resort to drastic measures and hire a new guy to help deal with holiday shipments this season.

You cannot imagine how long I have awaited this moment. The chance to take somebody under my wing, to show someone the ropes, to work with someone who doesn't go to bed at seven in the evening. The new hire turns out to be about as old as my dad. I do not feel comfortable educating anyone who is more than twice my age, so my dreams were somewhat dashed.

Which is not to say I don't like the new hire. He's attentive, eager to pick up the job, and has a last name for a first name, which is considerably badass. Do you ever see anyone named, for example, Remington or Dobson? No, because they're all outside getting into car chases, stealing jewels, and making out with gorgeous women.


I really want to see The Princess and the Frog, because I am a little girl consider myself an amateur animation aficionado. But I need someone to come with me because there are too many uncomfortable connotations to a grown man with long dark hair sitting by himself in a theater filled with little children.

Of course, this is why we have DVDs.

For watching movies in the comfort of your own home, I mean.

Not the other thing.